The Lost Boys

Last week we took our niece & nephew to see a professional touring production of PETER PAN, starring Kathy Rigby in the title role. At the age of 58, she's still flying and leaping and tumbling--a real inspiration, and her effect on my nephew, who has Down Syndrome, was nothing short of magical. As we left, he informed us that Peter Pan was "going to come to my house and teach me how to fly."

As I watched the show, I recalled the various articles that came out about 20 years ago about the "Wendy Syndrome." Someone in the pop-psychology camp had capitalized on this story as an allegorical device for describing a particular type of woman--one who was nurturing and loving and motherly, but at the expense of having genuinely mature relationships with men. "Wendys" are always trying to save their "Peter Pans," men who never really grow up, but who are incessantly fun and fascinating. They love their Wendys, but are incapable of reciprocating with an adult-level love.

I started thinking about all the "lost boys" in my life, and there are PLENTY of them, although I use that term to describe men who aren't necessarily immature, but those who simply have not seemed to be able to find or develop a lasting romantic relationship. And I am honestly mystified as to why love has eluded them. They are all worthy of it--intelligent, funny, talented to the extreme, and, for the most part, exceedingly responsible and upstanding citizens. Some gay--some straight, but all people that I genuinely admire and adore. So if I can see it, why can't others?

Is it the Wendy in me? Do I idealize them on a certain level as a doting mother or big sister would? I know a part of me aches to give them the love that they're missing--I definitely have that in common with Wendy. But I don't think I romanticize them--I think I really do see them as they are. So why can't someone else? They are all relatively good-looking, they go to work every day, they are kind to their mothers and generous to their friends. So where is their special someone who will love and put them first?

Considering the fact that fat little me found someone, I just don't get it. I mean, I'm loud, bossy, and selfish, but I managed to find someone who loves me beyond belief. Maybe it's all sheer luck. I just wish mine would rub off on them. Hey, Beth--can I borrow a little bit of your pixie dust?