The lure of Facebook is the connectedness--the feeling like you are part of something larger than yourself, but within which you are somehow more free to be yourself. Or so it would seem.
I find myself wanting to "please" the Borg...to present an offering worthy of attention. For this, there are really only three choices: say something witty, say something profound, or say something "universal," i.e., something with which everyone can agree. Of course, there is the newsfeed element, in which we post our major events, our comings and goings, to the public square. But that's its more mundane function. What it really demands of us other than news content is the service of the meme...the ongoing conversation...by contributing little tiny bits of our identity.
I don't post to it nearly as much as many of my friends do...I chime in on far more conversations than I start. And one of the main reasons is the aforesaid pressure to "perform." To create something worthy of the attention of the multitude. The other reason is because the things I really WANT to say...the things I really FEEL, are far too important to be trivialized by broadcasting them to many who are undeserving of my innermost thoughts. The madding crowd both giveth and taketh away...we simultaneously want to please them, to let them all know how witty and profound we can be, while also resenting and fearing the exposure. Facebook is a paradox: it promises a sense of intimacy while providing the cloak of safety in numbers.
There are moments when I am in such need of...something...validation? sympathy?...that I am compelled to open Facebook and compose a status update that reaches out to that universe, seeking a "like" or a comment...the answering back that says, "I hear you...you exist...and I understand you." But I can't seem to say the words, most of the time. Because the words I really want to say are too much...too overwrought...too revealing...too intimate or scary, to say in that forum. So I remain silent. But the lure of it is still overwhelming.
3 comments:
I've watched Facebook grow… prodded at it a few times. .. listened to people that I know... and don't. Watched their folds reveal what they wanted. I'm mostly bored with the timidity of their play... except for the few who spill wanton and scaly revelations about hidden facets… Those were the lessons.
Mostly it’s a shallow veneer of water spilled on concrete that we see and that the spillers meditate upon as if they may drown, should they dive in. Mostly, I see broken necks from my perch on the edge, where most of us sit to read and extend a toe into this this veneer of thought.
Yes... it is daunting.
I post and participate with shared "Deep Thoughts" (SNL associations deliberate) hoping to share a smile across some miles. The real thoughts and struggles I *don't* share what I am struggling with or deeper thoughts (sincerely deep). There is too much hate and judgment and trivializing on FB. I once posted one of the "reposts" (which I DO NOT DO any more) that basically said: everyone should have health care. There then ensued a long war among several of my "friends" that opted out of almost from the start.
Not worth it.
I have a love/hate thing going with FB. I like seeing the pics and posts feeling some connection with my near and dear who are more dear than near... BUT I feel frustrated and cheated equally often when I see hints of things happening and realize that when you aren't THERE you really aren't in touch in some of the most important ways.
Last sentence of first paragraph should be "...'friends' that I opted out of almost from the start."
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